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Jennifer Lopez Crazy - The Boy Next Door - BA044C
November 24, 2017 06:22 AM PST
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JENNIFER LOPEZ IS A GENIUS. Who else could've spun box office gold from this laughable material and turned it into... the ultimate guilty pleasure? JLo is a suburban Mom (and Classics teacher!) whose ill-advised jones for jailbait comes back to haunt her, and then some. Don'tcha hate it when the neighbor boy with the rock-hard abs turns out to be a psychopath? Achilles never raged as vengefully as this horny hunk who becomes hell-bent on destroying her family unit. This is Fatal Attraction: Female Version - featuring naked butts, pornographic photocopies and a gruesome finale that would put Aeschylus to shame. It's getting pretty wet down here!

Part 3 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Jennifer Lopez Bad - Monster in Law - BA044B
November 23, 2017 01:31 AM PST
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Ali vs. Forman! Rocky vs. Apollo! JLo vs. JFo! On paper it sounds great: Puerto Rican pop princess faces off against a Hollywood grande dame in her unexpected return to the screen. Alas, what might've been a truly Freudian slugfest as mother-in-law battles bride-to-be lands with a whimper, a shrug and a WTF?! Jen is in candy-coated rom-com mode, rendering herself into an inoffensive Everygirl, while Hanoi Jane is going for a register somewhere in between Miranda Priestly and Mommie Dearest. This fascinating failure exhibits all the formulaic flaws that have sunk many a recent rom-com. Where's the rom? Where's the com? Brian and Seán dream of the diva duet that never happened, while dissecting the wilted bridesmaid's bouquet that was actually tossed.

Part 2 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Jennifer Lopez Good - Out of Sight - BA044
November 22, 2017 12:03 AM PST
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Jennifer Lopez began her rise to multi-platform domination as a charismatic young actress with with some serious indie cred. She shines (and packs a punch) as tough-but-vulnerable federal marshall Karen Sisco in OUT OF SIGHT, hunting down bank robber George Clooney (and nearly stealing the movie from him). We return to the Elmore Leonard universe and contemplate what might've been if JLo had spent more time with directors like Steven Soderbergh (could he have found her her own Erin Brockovich-type vehicle??) Instead, she started churning out pop hits that delighted young Seán (before she started singing about boyfriend Ben Affleck, that is). There's no denying that Jenny from the Block is a woman to be reckoned with.

Part 1 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Julianne Moore Crazy - Savage Grace - BA043C
November 10, 2017 12:42 AM PST
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No one plays fucked-up, damaged sexuality quite like Julianne Moore. In SAVAGE GRACE, as the mercurial heiress Barbara Bakeland whose relationship with her son (Eddie Redmayne) goes from over-intimacy to incest, she stops at all the Stations of the Cross of camp insanity. Accosting her philandering husband in an airport while wearing a flagrant red dress? Check. Making her pre-pubescent son recite porn in a foreign language? Check. Having a threesome with said son's male lover? Check. Somehow, despite the hothouse atmosphere, suicide attempts and moody hallucinations, Juli and Eddie somehow manage to make these perverse, insular characters weirdly fun -- that is, until the incestuous sex grows both mechanical and murderous. Brian and Seán debate the merits of this particularly transgressive example of New Queer Cinema but conclude that it is undeniably watchable -- and that no one but Julianne could make all these crazy contradictions cohere -- por el culo!

(wyzz8sdg)

Part 3 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Julianne Moore Bad - Hannibal - BA043B
November 09, 2017 03:53 AM PST
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Julianne Moore can do no wrong - so who the hell convinced her to play Clarice Starling?! Taking up the baton from Jodie Foster, Moore is saddled with an iffy West Virginia drawl and some even dodgier sexual politics in this completely unnecessary - and completely disgusting - sequel to THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. Returning as Hannibal the Cannibal, Anthony Hopkins chews much more than the scenery, while Gary Oldman out-grosses him as a disfigured and deviant vengeful paedophile. Julianne must suffer the indignities of male lechery, ludicrously OTT violence and a narrative sidelining that will leave you screaming along with the lambs. Misogynist, ludicrous and ultimately revolting this is the kind of movie that not only fries your brain but serves it up to you with a balsamic demi-glaze. While Clarice is rendered expendable, Julianne was somehow spared the kind of career disemboweling that would've destroyed a lesser talent. Bon Appetit!

Part 2 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Julianne Moore Good - Vanya on 42nd Street - BA043
November 08, 2017 06:33 AM PST
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Julianne Moore is a Movie Star... but before that, she was a working actress. In the early to mid-90s, eagle-eyed viewers could spot her unique redheaded luminescence on the margins of Hollywood movies and daytime soaps. With the release of a string of acclaimed indies, however, the world took notice - and the first was VANYA ON 42ND STREET. It's a love letter to the theatre in which a company of character actors gather to rehearse in a crumbling Times Square theatre. With nothing but their street clothes, some makeshift props and the presence of Our Greatest Living Actress, Andre Gregory's company put on the best rendition of Chekhov EVER. Also immediately apparent are the nascent qualities we'd come to know as Julianne trademarks: fearless sexuality, heartbreaking vulnerability and a mercurial spontaneity. As Yelena, an unreadable beauty who turns the head of Wallace Shawn and every other man she encounters, the former Julie Ann Smith announces to us all that we'd better pay attention because this woman is like no one else.

Part 1 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Whoopi Goldberg Crazy - Theodore Rex - BA042C
October 26, 2017 10:51 PM PDT
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What do you get when you pair an angry, embittered cop with a sparky, big-hearted yet bumbling T-Rex designed to sell children's Happy Meal tie-ins? Quite possibly the most bizarre, joyless film in history. THEODORE REX was a film that Whoopi Goldberg had to be sued into making, because how would she have thought that anyone pitching this film was serious? "Yeah sure I'll make your family-friendly, buddy cop dinosaur movie, yeah!" she must have said, never believing that she was entering into an orally binding contract. The film that you most certainly thought was a rumour, is in fact, real. And we've seen it. Move over, Francis Fukuyama, this film is truly the End of History.

Part 3 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Whoopi Goldberg Bad - The Associate - BA042B
October 25, 2017 11:36 PM PDT
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At your next pub quiz, when asked to name a Whoopi Goldberg movie that features Donald J. Trump, you'll have the answer! THE ASSOCIATE is a 1996 satirical comedy of finance and feminism in which the Whoopster launches a one-woman campaign to break into the world of Wall Street (with help from spunky secretary Dianne Weist). This Clinton-era curiosity was woke before woke... sort of. You see, this film's version of taking down the patriarchy involves layering its heroine in a mask of (Caucasian) latex to pose as a fictitious white male titan of industry: the aptly - and repetitively - named Robert Cutty. (What was that name?? Cutty. Cutty? CUTTY!) There is probably a brilliant Brechtian bouillabaisse to be made from these ingredients, laced with a hearty helping of identity politics, but this earnestly flat-footed film is not it. Instead, it's Simone de Beauvoir meets Mrs. Doubtfire as the very real structures of institutional sexism serve as the backdrop for a gender-bending so-called romp. And they say the name "Cutty"...A LOT!!

Part 2 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Whoopi Goldberg Good - Sister Act - BA042
October 24, 2017 11:40 PM PDT
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Hail Whoopi, Full of Grace. One-time Oscar winner, four-time Oscar Host. Standup comedian, prestige actress, box office draw, supporting player, talk show panelist... Goldberg has played many parts. Simultaneously smart, saucy and saccharine, she is truly one of Hollywood's most beloved personalities - over a career that ranges from huge hits to massive misfires. Through it all, she's somehow never lost our affection, whether communing with dead spirits or summoning the Holy Ghost to shake up Maggie Smith's cloistered convent. SISTER ACT was first envisioned as a vehicle for Bette Midler, but Whoopi in a wimple proved impossible to pass up. Brian was raised by a nun and Seán has played one on the gay cabaret circuit, so returning to this family classic didn't feel like penance. Upon rewatching, though, how many of its cardinal virtues remain intact?

Part 1 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

Michelle Pfeiffer Crazy - Grease 2 - BA041C
October 13, 2017 05:59 AM PDT
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You want to know what crazy is? Crazy is a film where Michelle Pfeiffer is almost outdone by Lorna Luft. When hearing Tab Hunter sing about pollinating stamens starts to makes sense to you, you know you’ve been watching GREASE 2 for too long. Some actresses' careers might have burned to ash on the pyre of this kind of camp (which is even more nonsensical than the first movie) but young Michelle emerged from it like a phoenix and became a star. The same cannot be said of her co-lead Maxwell Caulfield: the blond heart throb failed to initiate a second British invasion, but DAMN, is he nice to look at!!

Part 3 of 3

Clips from the film presented according to fair use policy. Podcast Theme: "Pipeline" by CyberSDF (https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/tracks).

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